Ladies Knitting night

Last night was my night to hostess the monthly ladies craft night.  They wanted to learn to knit.  We have already set a pattern that the hostess provides dinner.  These ladies have also been dieting with me so I decided to have soup and salad for dinner.  But a week ahead of time, I decided to have Kneaders Bakery do the heavy lifting.  I ordered a gallon on my favorite soup, salad, fresh bread, and brownies for dessert.  One of my friends is gluten free so I made a big batch of butternut squash soup.

Philip came by after school to help me get ready.  I'm always amazed how sweet he is.  He even ran to pick up the food which was very helpful.  After work, I got busy in the kitchen so I was all ready.  I even got 20 minutes before they all arrived to relax and put my feet up.  And that is exactly how I like to do it!

This is the first time I've had my friends over. In fact, I haven't had friends over years and years.  Since I finished my kitchen I think.

We had a cocktail and then dinner and then jumped into knitting.  I'm not a pro knitter but I printed off a few photos to help us and then I started showing them how.  I think casting on is hard. The knit gets tight and you are learning as you go.  But after some practice, we all got that done.  Then we started to actually knit.  It took a little time to get a hang of it.  But these ladies stuck with it and were patient in learning.  I think we each got 3 rounds done each.  It is so fun to see everyone learning and even though they were sure they were not doing it right, before they knew it, they started to see it take form.  Our goal is to make infinity scarves. 

I thought the evening was great fun.  I practically have to pinch myself to have such fun friends that are so caring and supportive.  Our next class will be a burlap wreath.

Christine, Me, Kim, Jen, Gayle

Stacy, Christine, Me

Another week....another week

What happened since last weekend you ask?  I worked a ton of hours.  I swore probably 100 times.  I did another round of Methotrexate.  Philip and I shared our love of cooking together.  I ate pasta after 6 weeks without it.  I did my FMLA paperwork for March.  I could go on and on with a list but I won't.

Last weekend, Philip went to ASU with his Dad for a scholar event.  He spent the night in the dorms with another student.  He went to sessions about financial aid and internships, and other studious and collegiate pursuits.  Unfortunately, I have no photos and no stories.  Because simply, my son is not a story teller.  How can that be?  When asked how it was, he said "Good".  When pushed for more information, I got "We are on track Mom.  I didn't learn anything new."  I know that isn't true because information comes out in dibbles and drips from him.  What I did do is sign him up for orientation and a meeting with his advisor to register for classes.  That is April 11.  I've been to the campus for work but I have not had a chance to go with Philip so that will be an excellent experience for me.

I'm also still waiting for the Methotrexate to start working.  I'm only 2 injections back on and it is not helping yet.  My arms hurt so much and I've not been to the gym in a week.  Today I cooked a roast and I could not lift the pan out of the oven.  I couldn't take the roast out of the pan or cut it.  And I really struggled to scrub the pan clean when I was cleaning the kitchen.  It is like my arms just aren't working anymore.  This is new for me.  I've always had hand weakness and certainly leg weakness but my arms have never been this big of issue.  I'm not going to worry about it yet.  I need to wait 2-6 more weeks before I worry.  I'm hoping it is closer to 2 weeks then 6.  In the meantime, I have Philip help me with much of the tasks.  He is such a great kid and an excellent helper.  Those traits are going to come in handy when I am recovering from surgery!
As far as surgery, I don't know any more yet but I did start my FMLA paperwork to get off work.  I've also been working on my coverage list for my boss.  I hope they are able to keep up while I am out.  After this, no one will be wondering how I fill my days after they get to walk in my shoes for a few weeks!  Haha.

This weekend I totally indulged in both food and crafting.  Philip and I decided to go out for fresh seafood Saturday.  I did have a slice of white bread.  Earlier in the week I had spaghetti noodles.  And I had a dessert!  I was able to make it all fit in my calorie limit for the day but I know these are not things I should be eating.  I felt like I've done so well, it was okay to have a splurge once in awhile.  We will see if it slows down my weight loss.  I'm really close to 20 lbs off so far.  Not too shabby for 6 weeks. 

This weekend, the online scrapbook group I participate in did a member crop.  We all chipped in ideas and games and had a fabulous time.  I notice I am running out of photos.  I'm going to have to work hard to keep taking photos.  This is my last year I will work on pages for Philip's books.  Oh sure, I will still take photos and put them in my books but they will be my books, not Philip's book I've been faithfully maintaining for 18 years.  I had great fun working on things this weekend.  Nola is part of the group too so we shared stuff which was most excellent.

Next week is crazy for me again.  I have a day in the office, finish my coverage list, make sure my FMLA is done and ducks in a row. I even have a work dinner!  I am having my friends over on Friday for dinner and learning how to knit.  Should be fun.  I will be ready for some time off soon!

Have a great week!!

50 Shades of Grey

You don't need to read this if you are interested......

I am not sure I've experienced a movie so polarizing as this movie....almost as much as the difference between Obama lovers and Obama haters.  There are people that are completely crazy for the movie and can't wait to see it.  Then there are those that are so repulsed by the mere thought of the movie.  People have taken to social media and let their distaste for such a "hideous" movie that "objectifies women and shows scenes of rape and violence".  I shake my head. 

While I've never been interested in the BDSM world, I don't feel it is violent and depicts rape in most cases.  It is really about a "deviant" style of sex....a fetish.  It is totally about permission and pleasure.  Never is a woman (or man) submissive subjected to something against their own edge of acceptance.  And there is always "stop" words should things go too far for one partner.  Is it a loving and gentle way of sex?  No.  But people who practice that form of sexual pleasure, it really is their business.  If you don't like it, don't do it.  If you do like it, well then....enjoy.  I accept either point of view.

To me, 50 Shades of Grey, is a movie about a guy that has been hurt and disappointed by women and have built a hard "shell" that became a BDSM fetish.  Ana is a innocent girl that is anxious to explore but won't allow Christian to control her beyond her acceptable level.  And what I really see about it is she is trying to understand his complicated way and soften it.  He might be in control in the "red room" but she is very much in control of his emotions and succeeds in helping him trust women and see that there is a benefit to romance in a relationship.  If he wants Ana in his life, he is going to have to give up control to some degree.  If Ana wants Christian in your life, she is going to have to give up control to some degree too.

Seems to me, the people that have such a problem with the movie haven't read the books and are making assumptions about the context of the movie (and the books).  They tend to be conservative.  This is fine to me but there is no sense making it something it is not.  It is a movie people.  The good news is you don't have to see it if you find it repulsive.  For me, I thought the books were kind of fun.  Reading them was an escape for me into a world I don't know too much about.  Yes they are a little spicy.   Yes they are meant to make you explore your "fetish" side and test your own personal limits.  It is meant to give you a peek into the fetish world.

If you want my opinion about the movie, I am very glad they picked relatively new actors to play the main characters. It wasn't as "detailed" as the book but it was still fun to watch.  I found the characters portrayal to be believable.  I did enjoy the movie.  I found the fun banter and power struggle between Christian and Ana to be playful and interesting.  But by all means, if you are offended by this sort of idea, don't go see it.  It is okay to say you are not interested in seeing the movie or reading the book without making it something it is not.  Fear and judgment will never set you free.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!   If you read my blog, then you are part of my circle of people I love and care about.  I am sending you wishes for a beautiful day full of love.

Given that, love doesn't necessarily mean a boyfriend/husband.  To me, it means loving all around.  For friends, neighbors, pets, and yes...even strangers.  It is a day of beauty and filling the world with love and acceptance.  Most important, it is about loving yourself first and foremost.

As a single girl, I have a choice to spend the day bummed out I don't have a boyfriend that will fill my world with every dream of love and romance I can imagine.  I'm learned that often that is a huge disappointment.  I have learned the love I give and receive from my family and friends is just as fulfilling as any love a man could provide me.  In fact, in many ways, it is much more.

So how does a single girl spend "Singles Awareness Day"?  Well I slept in and then I got the biggest...furriest love fest from my shadow kitty, Sissy.  Baby got so jealous, she had to give in and give some loves too against her better judgment.  Then I decided to hit the first showing of "50 Shades of Grey".   More on that in a separate post for those that don't want to read it.

I was completely surprised by receiving the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and chocolates from Nola.  So completely surprising but also appreciated.  Thanks for being my "Maybe" date sister.  You are so thoughtful.  I got lots of love on Social media and text messages.  And even a few valentine's in the mail.  I completely feel the love!  You guys are the very best. 

Since I've nurtured my mind, I am going to go to the gym and nurture my body.  While I need to be very careful with my work out while my muscles are damaged, I want to coddle my heart and what muscle is left with some strength enticing exercise. 

After the gym, I am going to shower and get comfy and enjoy some old movies.  I have a few from the 40s and 50s recorded and ready.  I might even paint my toenails a pretty shade of pink or red!

This afternoon, I sat on the deck and relaxed.  I closed my eyes and spent a few minutes in the moment.  I can feel a soft breeze across my body.  The warmth of the sun on my skin.  The birds   singing as they fly by.  I can hear the cars in the distance.  I am overwhelmed by the feeling of love and appreciation for all that is around me.  And I feel a sense of peace and acceptance for myself and the world I have created for myself.  I have worked very hard to be where I am today.  For the home I have created to keep me safe and centered.  The relationships I have developed and cherish.  I really am full.  My heart and my soul are completely full.  Thank you for that.  Each of you play a part of that feeling.  I hope your  day is filled with beauty and love.

Here we go....

So I've been purposely quiet.  And it is time for an update but I warn you, it might be TMI.  Let's see how long I can use cute words.  This will be fun....

So my girl parts have moved into their "sunset" years which as been very welcome by me.  But 2 weeks ago, it appeared I might be  trying to "recapture my youth" again.  This is not good when you've been "sunsetting" over a year.  A quick google search and it was obvious I needed to call my doctor soon.  (okay end of cute words)

Last Thursday, I went to see my long time female parts Oncologist, Dr. D.  Upon exam, he said he was pretty sure it was either cancer or pre-cancer and we needed a biopsy to find out.  Before I could catch my breath or brace myself, I was done and feeling like a bad puppy that had been punched in the nose and scolded.  Dr. D came back to explain what was going to happen next based on the results.  It was a range of options from a "simple" D&C to a full on radical hysterectomy that included removal of a bunch of lymph nodes.  But first we had to wait for the pathology.

Now as you've learned by now, I do have the ability to look up test results myself online and Sunday, I was pleasantly surprised to see my pathology posted.  It is good and bad reading your own results.  It is great if you are able to dissect medical mumbo jumbo and figuring out what it means but alas, I only have mild knowledge of mumbo jumbo and a keen ability to Google searches.  From what I could see, I had "no malignancy found".  No polyps or fibroids.  What I did have was atypical hyperplasia.   A little research and I was guessing I had pre-cancer growths....and today I got a call from Dr. D and he confirmed just that.  Why do I not have a lab coat with my name on it and a medical degree hanging on my wall?  I really think I missed my calling!

So I absolutely refused the hormones they often do in these situations.  They will make you gain some weight...and we aren't talking a few lbs...and it was no guarantee it would avoid surgery.   I don't think my poor body can't take any more weight gain and with my history of female problems and cancer, we agreed it made sense to move straight to a hysterectomy now.  So I am scheduled for surgery on March 4.  It is going to be an "easy" hysterectomy.  Take it "all" but leave the lymph nodes.  They are going to plan to remove it laproscopically so the recovery will be pretty easy.  An overnight stay in the hospital and then a short recovery period and I will be like new again.  No lifting for 6 weeks.

You would think this all would upset me but actually, I find comfort in knowing there is one more area I can forget about ever having cancer.  And I am totally ready to move to the "sunset" permanently.  So all is good here.  And actually there isn't much they can tell me which would upset me anymore.  Maybe dealing with cancer for the last 11 years has made me desensitized to bad medical news.

I'm also sad to report, my muscles have not done well without Methotrexate.  I had started back to the gym and was really feeling it.....a lot.  I went to get my blood drawn on Monday and my CK (the lab that measures injury to my muscles) was 460 (usually under 100...high normal is 200).  So I am back on Methotrexate this weekend.

The great news is although I face temptation daily, I have been following my  diet plan pretty closely.  I have lost 16 lbs in a month!  Not too shabby for a girl that has tried many times and couldn't lose an ounce.  Oh how I miss carbs and cheese!

Paint Nite with Philip

In January, Philip and I used the Paint Nite certificate I won  when I painted with Jennie over the holidays.  We went to the Provo location because the leader there said she doesn't care if people come  under 21 (usually you have to be 21) because she holds them at restaurants instead of  a bar.  I thought Philip would enjoy it and indeed he did.  He was excited for this painting and actually picked the event for the painting alone.  While we were there, we also had dinner while we painted.  It was great fun.

Before we got started.

Are you taking my picture?

 

Our finished paintings.  In case you can't tell, it is
mountains with a stream and cherry blossom tree.

 We had a great time.  Unfortunately, someone hit my car while we were painting and left me wrecked without a note.  Incredibly disappointing.  Luckily, I know an excellent body shop so I took the car in last week and it is fixed and perfect again....except it now smells like auto paint fumes.