Happy Birthday Philip

Today, Philip turns 17!  It is tough to believe he is almost grown up!  We've had lots of fun celebrating so far.  Mostly with dinner out with the family and such.  We co-celebrated with Dad and the family last Monday.  Then Philip and I went to Benihana together to celebrate with his birthday gift certificate on Wednesday.  Then we went to Citrus Grill with Dad and Cindy last night....and it was still not his day yet.



Benihana

Citrus Grill with Grandpa and Cindy

 

Today, Philip started his day by going to work.  That is right, he was hired at Dream Dinners!  They hired him on "as needed" basis...which is actually perfect because he doesn't have a set number of hours to fill.  We are going out to lunch when he is done.  He is getting a haircut and then we are going out for a super fancy steak dinner at Flemings.  He was sad he missed the event on Christmas Eve.  Should be very fun.

 

I still don't have all my old photos where I can get them but here are two I do have of Philip when he was younger that I love.  

 

 

 

 

I am really proud of Philip and the person he has become.  A very bright future is ahead of you Philip.  Love you very much.

 

A few more updates on Philip.  He got a 4.0 last term!!!  And that is not weighted!  He worked hard and really pulled it out.  Yeah Philip!!  Also, he and Tiffany also broke up.  Break ups are hard to do for sure.  He is taking it in stride and keeping himself busy. 

Chalk one up for me

I finally had my follow up to my November surgery with my oncologist, Dr. L.  We laughed together that we were both good with the results and figured each would call if we needed to see each other before today.  I guess we are getting good at this.

He confirmed that there was nothing concerning to him and he was glad to have the pathology as part of my cancer history.  I did ask how it could change grades and then go back to the slow growing lymphoma.  He said that isn't normal but because we radiated the area, that could have impacted it.  He felt around and didn't find anything concerning.  We agreed no treatment or further X-rays at this time but to come back if I feel something before I see him in 4 months.  That takes me out to Mid-May before I have to think about my cancer again.  Dr. L and I agreed that we would like 2014 to be lump free since 2013 was not so.  I sure like Dr. L!

So all good news.  I feel good about it.  No cancer thoughts for me.

I did try to pick his brain about Mars' diagnosis.  He didn't bite.  I suspect it is too vague of diagnosis to say much.  I did pick up a sheet on resources that I will share with Mars and John when I see them next.

It was bound to happen...

With the prevalence of cancer these days,  it was bound to happen one day that someone close to me would also get cancer.  Unfortunately, yesterday, we learned it was my Aunt Mars.  They told her she has carcinoma but I'm curious if there is a more formal name for the type of cancer since "carcinoma" is basically just a word for cancer.   I am so deeply sad by this news.  While you know it is bound to happen, I don't want anyone I know and care about (or anyone really) to have to travel the cancer journey.

I'm so fortunate because she accepted my offer to help her through her journey.  One of the things that scared me so much when I started my journey is I knew NO ONE that had been through cancer little alone my type and my treatment.  I swore at that time, I would take my experience and put it to work helping others starting on their own cancer journey.  Even if it is a different type or different treatments, I can still offer hope and strength in one's darkest moments.

The doctor told her it was treatable.  Sounds like the plan is surgery and then radiation.  Yesterday, she called me her "Cancer Buddy".  That  means the world to me.  I hope I can offer help to her but what she doesn't know, is how much she is helping me in allowing me to be part of her journey.

We are seeing her surgeon Monday morning.  I'll be working on questions to help her think of as much as we can and prepare.  Then we will get a plan and prepare to  FIGHT...FIGHT...FIGHT.

You have this Mars.  You can do it and be successful.

Back in the saddle again...

I'm going to spoil you with 2 posts today.  Don't get used to it.  I'm just feeling inspired tonight.

I slept in super late today and woke with a headache.  I'm sure staying up until 2:00 am was part of the problem.  I lazed around until I just had to get some things done.  I went out to do my errands and on the way back, was wondering what I could do to get out of my lazy, grumpy funk.  When I hit me...I need to go to the gym!

I bought a new 2 year gym membership in December.  I don't like going the first few weeks of January.  You get all the New Year's Resolution people and it is crazy.  But by the 3rd week of January, it has died down a little.  Well today was the day for me.  It was just the cure for my tired body, weak muscles, headache, stress, and general pissy shitty mood.  Nothing like a  healthy dose of endorphins to fix everything.  Hell.  It is almost as good a sex right?  (Yes I said ALMOST.)

I'll confess to you but you have to promise you won't tell anyone else.  Promise?  Well I've not stepped foot in the gym for 15 months.  Long ago, I was sick as hell.  Then I was tired.  Then it was the holidays.   Then it was January.  Then it was....I don't know....full of cancer?  Finally last April, my membership expired.  Probably good timing because I was dealing with cancer and just couldn't do cancer and the gym.  Over the last 15 months, I have watched my ability dwindle.  My strength (what little there was) went away.  The thoughts of a cane or a Jazzy becoming more and more comfortable to me.  Toss in the hassles and stress of being a single Mom to a teen and I am a giant mess!

So I pulled out my yoga pants (which are never very far since they are my general work attire these days), grabbed my Skull Candy headphones, and headed out....yes at 5:00 pm.  By 5:15 I was on the recumbent bike.  I had worked up to a strong 20 minutes on the bike before but since it has been so long, I set it for 10 and started my workout music.  I have my music set to help me do intensity cycles through the 20 minutes.  1st song is slow and steady.  Second song is faster.  Third song is pumping as hard and I can go.  4th song slow and steady.  5th song is pumping hard...and 6th song is back to slow.  I skipped through and finished my 10 minutes with 4 intensity cycles.  But I still felt strong so I set the bike for another 5 minutes and went 2 more cycles.

I honestly wasn't sure if I could get off the bike.  So I took it slow....drank some water....finally got up and walked to the weight machines.  I honestly don't know what they all are called.  But they are machines my Physical Therapist told me would be good for me years ago.  So I started on the arm machine that squeezes your boobs.  Put the weights on the lightest weight and was able to do 50 reps!  Then I went to the "lay down squat machine".  This is for my quads, hamstrings, and hip flexors.  I was able to do 40 reps there.  And 20 calf bounces.  Then the hip flexor machines.  They look like "sex prep" machines because you start with either your legs spread and squeeze in or legs in and push out.  Checked those off although I only did 10 lbs.  I gotta get out of the gym after all so I didn't want to overdo it.  Then I finally went over to my arm pull down bar thingy.  The lowest weight on those is 20 lbs.  I do 3 different pull downs in different arm positions to work my different arm muscles the best I can.  I was able to do 75 reps of each!  I just finished my basic workout!  Even after 15 months.  And I did it in 50 minutes!

And then I finished my second bottle of water since arriving at the gym and wondered if I could make it to the bathroom to wash my hands.  There are so many germs in the gym.  I really worry about getting sick when I go.  So I waddled (that is no exaggeration) to the bathroom and washed up.  As I did that, I looked in the mirror and was so proud of myself. 

I got a cancer dent in my face.  My muscles are shaking like crazy.  My poor body can barely go through it's daily duties but it rose to the occasion despite the Polymyositis.  It remembered how to work out!  It almost felt like I was home again. 

You know, I made a deal with my body years ago.  If it would try not to kill me so quickly, I would try to not kill it.  I would feed it better.  I would drink my water.  I would stress less.  And I would nourish it with activity that it will allow.  I think it remembered our deal and it decided it would do it.  It would do it and get me through.  It wouldn't drop me on the ground and embarrass me and we agreed if I could make it to the car, we would be okay.  And we did.  And I made it in the house.  And now we can rest.

I am positive I will be sore....tomorrow...well maybe even tonight.  I can already feel it.  But I am committing to myself to go to the gym 3 days a week.  I will get back into my gym routine and let my muscles know they can't give up.  They won't give up and dammit, they must fight because I am fighting and I refuse to give up.  Screw you Jazzy.  You are just going to have to wait because  I am back at it and gonna fight for every single step and every single muscle!

Look....an Eagle Scout

Last weekend was the long awaited Eagle Scout ceremony for Philip.  He really received his Eagle Scout in September but we had a formal celebration on January 11.  Maybe it is because I am a control freak or maybe I am the only planner in this parental circle but I ended up planning most of it myself.  I did consult with the Scout group, the Council, and Philip's Dad.  Because Sheridan was a big part of the start of Philip's scout adventure, we wanted to make sure she was included too.

We ended up having Philip's Papa (Sheridan's Dad) be the Master's of Ceremony.  We had an Eagle's nest where other Eagle Scouts sit together to honor the scout.  We had one of Philip's mentors give a talk (which was fabulous). DeOna lead the singing and Uncle Randy did the closing prayer. It was a great blend of people who love and celebrate Philip's fabulous accomplishment. 

Photos speak louder than words so here are a few....or lots....

Bob Woods talking about how wonderful Philip is.



Philip and Grandma Carol (Ryan's Mom)

Philip and Keith Lord, the Stake Advancement Officer
(Gave him his Eagle Neckerchief)



DeOna leading the songs

Me and my Eagle Scout

 

Philip and Papa (Howard)

Philip and Papa

 

The Eagle and the Parents

Ryan and what is left of the cake.  It was delicious!

Philip and Tiffany (his girlfriend)

 

Decked out Eagle Scout (neckerchief and badge)

 

The Eagle Nest (Cousin Dave, Howard (Papa), Philip, Jordan, Bob, ?, Cousin Ryan, and Jesse (Scout Leader))

I bought a new point and shoot camera for the event.  I charged up the battery and sat front and center for the ceremony so I could get good photos.  Much to my surprise, I forgot to put a memory card in the damn thing so I couldn't take one photo.  Even my phone was in the back of the room in my purse.  So I hurried and grabbed Philip's phone to take photos.  All but 1 was blurry.  I guess I don't know how to use it.  So luckily, others took photos.  I thank them for sharing.  Sheridan's Mom, Sharon is a great photographer and she took tons of photos.  She said she will send me a CD when she can.  I hope I see it some time.

It was very nice to celebrate Philip and share in his huge accomplishment.  Philip seemed to enjoy it.  We had over 50 people show up which was really nice. Standing room only!

A few Eagle scout facts:

• Eagle Scout is the highest rank one can achieve in scouts. 
• Only 7% of all Boy Scouts become an Eagle Scout. 
• Philip is the 3rd in his ward since 2009 to achieve Eagle Scout. 
• Eagle Scouts must achieve 21 badges to earn their Eagle, serve 6 months in a leadership position, and complete leaderships service project that is 160 hours or more. 
• At least forty astronauts earned the rank as a youth, including Neil Armstrong. Business men have included Sam Walton, J.W. Marriott, and Michael Bloomberg. 

What I miss....footie jammies

I don't know that it is a huge secret that Philip slept with me off and on from my divorce from Ryan until his 11th birthday.  There were periods of times when he would sleep in his own bed but he just preferred being in my bed. We both slept so well.

There was nothing kinky or bad about it.  When I talked to his Pediatrician about it, she said it was really a family choice.  Some cultures it is absolutely normal and for some reason, in America, we've decided it is not okay.  But if I chose to keep him in my bed, it would be a long commitment so to consider that when I make the choice.

When Philip was little, he took a bath before bed.  We would put him in his footie sleeper and he would come to bed.  We would read stories and laugh together.  We would wake up in the morning and look at each other, greet each other, and start our day.  As he grew out of footie sleepers, he had miscellaneous jammies that always included socks.  He got cold feet.  And he liked to be warm and cozy.

He would snuggle into me and we would hug.  When he was a toddler, he loved to be "pet" to sleep just like I pet our kittycat .  We also listened to lullabies (same ones since he was born).  We would snuggle and I would lay there thinking how precious the closeness was and how one day I would miss it.  I would pet his hair and smell the wonderful smell of kid/baby shampoo and a clean boy.  As he grew, our bodies would match up different.  His feet would barely hit my legs.  Then my knees.  All signs he was growing.  I specifically remember his soft sky blue footie jammies.  So so cute.  He has always looked so handsome in blue.

It's been years since he slept in my bed.  Once in a while, we would lay in the bed during the day to catch up or tell stories but the last several years, as he becomes a teen, we have hit the point where even hugs are awkward.  He hesitates to even come talk to me in my room and can't wait to leave.  All this is normal of course.  It is the way it should be.  But I miss those snuggles in footie jammies.  I miss having those close times with my boy.  Those talks of Pokémon cards, friends at school, and whatever is on his mind.  It all laid the ground work for probably the best relationship a Mom can hope to have with a teen son.  I know that.  But I miss it anyway.

Happy New Year!

I've been waiting to post about New Years until I had photos ready.  Surprisingly, I didn't take one single photo but my friends did so I was hoping to have those to share and I don't.  But we must carry on and be timely so here I go with what I have.

I was invited to a New Years Eve party at Gayle's house.  Gayle is the Mom of my friends.  She is like the Mom to everyone.  We call her Momma Gayle and the kids call her Gramma Gayle.  She opened her home for a big party.  I wasn't sure what to expect as far as people but most dress in glitter or shiny stuff and there ended up being probably about 50 people there.

For some reason, I stayed in the kitchen all evening.  Course, that is where the appetizers were and I found a good chair.  There was all kinds of crowding and befuddling going on elsewhere.  So the kitchen was probably an okay place to be but I didn't get to mingle much.  I had a pretty rough day...or days leading up to the party.  I honestly didn't feel much like going but I figured I would go for a bit, not sure I would make it to midnight.  It was a great thing I went and helped pull me out of my funk.  At 11:30, I was still going strong so I decided to stay to ring in the New Year.  Surprising enough, I didn't drink any alcohol but a sip of champagne at midnight.  Turns out that was good because there were tons of cops out when I drove home.  I had brought a thermos of cranberry juice and a can of sprite.  I told people I was drinking cranberry vodkas.  No one questioned me and I felt like my non-drinking self fit in.  So that was perfect.

Kimberlee, me, Kim's hair, Cousin Ryan, and Koli

New Years Day, I slept in and had a lazy day.  We have spent the week trying to eat some of the left over food from Christmas.  We finished up the ham yesterday.  I'll have to survey what else is left that isn't past it's prime.  I was toying with making Egg Nog milk shakes today.  Very funny is we ended up having 4 gallons of milk left for the 2 of us.  One 1/2 gallon expired so we tossed it.  We drank an entire gallon yesterday before it expired.  I'm sure I will pee milk today.  I must remember to not order more milk delivery for Monday.

I don't think it has been a huge secret that Philip and I have not been getting along well.  December has been a very challenging month for us and ended with full fireworks and crowning glory.  But we  have talked lots and are working to heal our hurts and move on.   Made it very difficult to enjoy New Years and all the festivities.  I believe a huge influence was his girlfriend.  Raising a teen is tough work.