As good as an 80 year old

I think I've shared in the past, that I have been doing Physical Therapy since November (NOVEMBER!!!!). This is not your typical PT, this is PT for people who have balance issues.  I am working with Julia who is a Phd PT.  Right off the bat, we discussed that she knew nothing about Myositis.  But she is interested in learning and trying to help.

Over the months, we've been working on seeing if we can increase my strength enough to decrease my fall risk.  Simple things like being able to stand on one leg for 5 seconds or more or being able to look up from the floor while walking.  Learning to step out instead of depending on having something to grab.  All these things seem like no big deal....until you can't do it anymore because of disease.

I've painstakingly done my home exercises which have included lifting my leg while sitting, pointing toes, standing on a pillow, and walking outside without an aid.  It has been boring and feels tedious.  It feels like these "little" exercises are really so basic, they can't be helping.  She has taken me outside to try to walk on grass, over sidewalk cracks, and over a curb.  She has made me do stairs, tested my balance by challenging my sensory factors.  I spent countless time standing in the corner trying to balance while looking around or closing my eyes.

The good news is I have learned the value of trek poles.  I have walked on grass again after several years of not being able to do it.  I can walk on the sidewalk without my cane even if the path isn't smooth.  I can walk on gravel without assistance.  I can stand on one leg for 5 seconds.....which is the goal for senior citizens.  I still struggle with steps but I do know now that if I encounter a curb without an alternative, I can get up it (very helpful when traveling) and down.  I can do a small incline of grass although it scares me to death.  I can walk on a foam cushion.  And I passed my neuro balance challenge machine thingy with flying colors (the first time, I broke down crying with fear).  I have one more PT visit before I am released to my own devices.

I'm still working on getting better.  I'm still working on getting to 10 seconds on one leg.  I'm still working on grass.  I'm still working on stairs.  I'm still working on figuring out the fine balance of pushing myself physically without pushing so hard I hurt.  It is frustrating but I am finally able to go out to a restaurant again without using my cane in the parking lot (very helpful when dating...canes are not sexy).  I'm still working on my fall recovery by figuring out how to get up off the floor.

My cane is staying lonely in the car more and more.  I feel like the world has grown again and things are  possible for me again that I've crossed off my list long ago.  It doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to progress in my disability but every hour, every day, every week, every month that I can feel "able" is a good  thing.  I always say "I might be going down but it won't be without kicking and screaming".