This morning, I was up and out of the house by 8:00 am so Trudy could come clean up my messy place. It is rare that I am out of the house so early. One of the benefits of working from home is I can take the morning nice and slow. It is rare I make it out of the house before 11:00 usually. Today, I treated myself to McDonald's oatmeal for breakfast and then drove to find a place to park for a bit and enjoy my breakfast and start my work day.
My driving path took me down 2300 East past my old Bryan Avenue street. The morning traffic was very active and suddenly, my mind wandered to the days when I would get up early and get Philip ready for school. Even though we lived fairly close, I drove Philip to school because it was easier for both of us...and frankly, I enjoyed the time together. That was often when we would talk about whatever was on our minds.
As Philip got older, we used the car time to have sensitive conversations. We both laughed because it seemed to take some of the focus off the topic plus you aren't looking straight at each other. Even as Philip learned to drive and took himself to school and back, we would say "Pretend we are in the car" and we would both face forward like in the car and have those talks. It really allowed us to have some good conversations on personal feelings and things that are not so easy to have between a parent and child. This is great right?
I always felt hassled with the running in the morning to get to school on time. Breakfast done, teeth brushed, clothes, homework packed, lunch ready and in the backpack. Then run out the door to the car and fight with the other 200 parents trying to drop off their kids in the tiny drop off area. Never fails, there is honking and some variation of hand gesture going on. Then at the end of the school day, it is lining up early enough to have a place to pick up your kid. Homework in the backpack? Tupperware from lunch brought home? Waiting through all the traffic again to break free to home. Once in a while, there is a stop for snacks or something we need while out. Sometimes we had a friend with us or we drove one of Philip's friends home. Keeping in mind, all this often happened while I was working and many times on a conference call or rushing home to get on one or get back to work.
Now that Philip is grown, as I see this routine playing out like a movie in front of me this morning, I really miss that time with Philip. All that rushing and hurrying and it was gone in a flash. I enjoy my grown up boy. I even enjoy living alone and not having to be spread so thin. But I miss those talks. I miss my younger Philip and loved to talk about ideas and thoughts - tough topics or not. I miss sneaking somewhere for a snack after school for a treat. I even miss smiling and laughing with Philip as he is trying to get into his homework while I am on a work call. And of course, when the work day is done, we often made dinner together. I really miss that.
Parenting is bittersweet. This morning's flash back was a nice deviation from my day. It is a great reminder to look at every day as a gift and really be present in that moment. It will pass before you know it!
