One and done!

One of the bad things about turning 50 is you now have to get a colonoscopy.  I guess saying you "have" to get one is over dramatic.  You are "supposed" to get a colonoscopy.  About a month ago, I received a letter in the mail that I could do it easily without a referral so I decided to give it a go. I really wanted to get it done before Philip started school but they couldn't get me in.  Apparently getting a colonoscopy is a high demand procedure requiring 2-3 weeks lead time.  So against my best wish, I sighed up to have one today.

Everyone knows it has to do with your....pooper and there are tons of poop and ass jokes about it.  I found myself thinking of them too.  I knew you had to clean your bowels and I knew that wasn't going to be pleasant.  But I had no idea I had to quit solid food 2 days before.  And I really underestimated the ability to only have clear liquids for 1.5 days.  But I thought I was doing good until I took my Gatorade/Laxative drinks.  I had to drink 2 32 oz bottles within 2 hours.  As instructed, I drank 1 cup every 15 minutes.  I was so surprised it went so well.  No real nausea and I got all in....but not for long. It was only about 15 minutes before it start coming out the other end.  And it was ferocious and it was persistent.  I was starting to feel pretty desperate and got really concerned wondering when it would ever end.  But 45 minutes after I finished the prep, it did end....abruptly.  It would not stay in and I started throwing up with extreme vigor.  I could barely get over the toilet and I couldn't control were it went at all.  The good news is I suddenly felt so much better...the bad news is I just lost the prep and after I came all this way, I wanted to finish strong.  So I called the doctor's emergency line to see what I should do.  I waited and waited and decided to send Philip to the store for  more Gatorade and Mirlax.  I mixed it up and started again.  Luckily the doctor called and said he was pretty sure I had quite a bit of prep in me but to take 2 more cups at midnight and another 2 at 4:00 if I wasn't cleaned out.  He felt the big issue is that I got dehydrated.  So I was to pound liquids until midnight.

Long story short, by 4:00 am, I wasn't sure I needed more.  This is TMI but I sat on the toilet while I sipped my prep.  I could literally hear it move through my intestines and within 5 minutes, it was out.  It was actually pretty funny really.  But I decided I was clean and went to bed until 6:15 when I wanted to start getting ready to go to the hospital.

Philip was such a sweetie and took me there, stayed with me, and brought me home and took care of me.  He is such a caring kid.  He took his role very seriously.  I couldn't help but feel bad his first experience taking me to the hospital was for my pooper!  But he didn't see anything gross.  The hospital however seemed pretty surprised my caregiver was a teen.  I'm not sure they knew what to do with him....probably because he is a minor.  But I assured them he is a great caregiver and was fine. 

The good news is the procedure was done in about 20 minutes.  They give me an IV sedation and I couldn't help falling asleep through it although I could feel the pressure in my abdomen, it wasn't bad.  And the best news is they found no polyps and no cancer.  But he said my prep wasn't perfect so he wants me to come back in 5 years.  Well poop!  I was hoping for the 10  year pass but no can do.

I'm sure your not going to be surprised when I encourage everyone to face their butt/poop fears and get their necessary colonoscopies (and other cancer screenings).  Colonoscopies can cut cancer rates by 40%!!  That is huge.  And if you do get Colon Cancer, a colonoscopy will seem minor in comparison to what you will have to go through...and I am pretty sure a regular colonoscopy will be part of your cancer process. 

So good news today and buck up and take care of your butt!  If you need moral support or any jokes to help you through, let me know.  I've got 'em.

Special thanks to Nola for being there for me to talk poop and diarrhea last night.  It helped so much just to have someone checking on me and assuring me I will be okay.  Thank You Nola.