Remember when Richard Dawson was the host of Family Feud? He would always be so animated about the way he said "And the survey says?" Like we were all waiting on pins and needles to hear the answer to some minute question. Anyway......
My visit with Dr. L was as I sort of expected. Labs are good. He confirmed the PET scan was clean and did indeed go up to my brain. He also felt around and didn't feel anything he was concerned about. I did point out the lumpy eyebrow. He wasn't terribly concerned about the "slug" part of the eyebrow but there are two "beads" that concern both of us. They have been there since the surgery. Dr. S was not concerned and said it was all swelling from the surgery. Dr. L shrugged as if to say "I hope so." He did confirm that the PET scan didn't pick anything up in my eyebrow so that was good news.
We talked about options. Starting chemo is still an option but he really didn't feel it was time yet. He said the standard procedure would be 4 rounds of RCHOP followed up by radiation of my eyebrow. WHAT?? We never used the radiation word before!!! I guess it goes without saying but the big concern that weighed on my mind all night is when he said they hesitate to do the radiation because of the location. There is a chance of vision loss/blindness. WHAT??? We never talked about that before. Now I am not saying that is our course of action but more of a "what if" scenario. It kind of scared me and made the decision to not treat right now a little less sweet. He did say he consulted with 2 other Oncologists and they agree it isn't clear to treat right now and they aren't sure radiation would be appropriate due to the location. As Dr. L says, "Yeah if it was on your arm, we would be signing you up...but in your face, we are more careful."
We talked about other treatment options such as IVIg which he said is only used when a person's immune system is knocked out. He said it wouldn't be a benefit for me at this time. We talked about any other types of chemo that wasn't so harsh but he said the protocols are for RCHOP and to remember the goal is survival over the cancer.
So we continue with "Watch and Wait". I have an appointment in August for my next follow up...of course unless I feel something suspicious or feel crappy, then I am in sooner. In August, we will probably do another PET Scan. He didn't want to do one earlier due to the radiation load. We also talked Bone Marrow Biopsy. He wants to see what is going on in August and assures me they use anesthesia now so it is a breeze. So a free pass for most the summer.
And I am left to process. I won't lie. Last night was a time of thought and reflection trying to process the news and trying to not freak out. I have to remind myself that our bodies are strong and capable vessels of life and I have to trust that it will rise once again to the challenge put before me. That I simply cannot worry about "what if" because it isn't worth the energy and time. You can scare yourself shitless worrying about the "what if". So I am working on filing away the news and not worrying about it. If I worried about every "what if" Dr. L and I have discussed, I would be a neurotic fool and probably long gone by now.
I am going to focus on the here and now. Focus on the approaching summer.....Philip getting out of school....gardening....flowers....the birds I hear outside....the good stuff. The good stuff that everyone should take time to notice and focus on.
No comments:
Post a Comment