Self Preservation

We all have stressors in our lives.  We each choose what we do about it.  Living with cancer and a chronic auto-immune disease, it is critical that I manage my stress level.  But sometimes things get thrown at you that you can't control.  My goal is to take a deep breath, think with compassion, and don't accept stresses that don't belong to me.  Doesn't mean I'm not impacted though.

My Dad was admitted to the hospital Saturday.  He is okay and we expect him to be discharged soon.  It is hard to see family members vulnerable.  It has forced me to spend the week dealing with the stress.  I love my Dad and hate to think of him as anything but well.

I went to see Dr. S yesterday (the doctor that did my lump removal).  I had been concerned because it is still "lumpy" and I now have a crease below my eyebrow.  He feels it is all part of swelling and will eventually resolve.  He wants to see me in 3 months to make sure it goes away.  We did celebrate the clear PET scan.  He agrees there is no reason to rush to treatment if Dr. L doesn't feel it is necessary at this time.

Philip's doing good in school.  Mid-term is Friday.  He is working very hard to hit mid-term strong and caught up.   He is trying to get ready for his 2 AP tests in a few weeks.  I can't imagine.  What I am celebrating is that next week is May which means we just have a little over a month of school left.  After that, no more early morning class.  The 5:20 wake up every weekday morning is just too much.

So my take away is as we each go through life, encountering stresses and pressures, to really focus on what is important, take a deep breath and release those stresses and pressures.  Cut everyone some slack and try not to harbor hard feelings or take on things you don't own.  We cannot change the inputs that come into our lives but we can control how we feel and deal with them.  I promise you will feel better. 

I am going to take some time this weekend and find "Joy".  I suspect it will be easy because Spring is finally here.  I can see blossoms on the trees, hear the birds chirping, and smell the flowers in my yard.  I knew it was a good idea to plant all those Hyacinths by my door!  Hope you have some heartfelt joy too!

The party continues!

Things still continue to be busy.  After the cruise, I had a few days to catch up and then Nola came into town.  During the week, I did go have my wrist checked.

I went to the TOSH center which is THE orthopedic complex.  I was suppose to see a hand and wrist specialist but I was blocked by his assistant and PA.  It only took them about 3 seconds to decide I had Tendinitis.  Honestly, I knew that too so I wasn't shocked.  The fix for that is a cortisone injection in the wrist. Alas why I hadn't gone to the doctor back in October.  I grinned (okay grimaced) and let them do it.  It was just as bad as I remembered.  My wrist continued to ache the rest the day.  He also told me to not wear the brace as it would irritate the tendon further.  He said it takes care of it 50% of the time.  It's been 1.5 weeks and I have to admit I'm feeling almost normal.  I was suppose to go back in next week for another injection unless I felt better.  I decided I did feel good enough.  My measure of success is if I can hook my bra which I could.  (Philip is very relieved he doesn't have to help anymore.)  If it flairs again, I guess I get another injection or have the option of surgery (which I don't want).

I also went to see Dr. D, my Neurologist.  She is so on top of it.  She could see my records and saw I had a PET scan.  We talked about my future medical plans and how the heck we will coordinate my medications.  Methotrexate should not be taken with Rituxan (which is part of the proposed chemo treatment) so we will need to figure something else out.  We also talked a lot about IVIg.  She is going to do more research on it.  I will ask Dr. L (oncologist) about it to see if that would be a better course.  It is HUGELY expensive....like $20,000 an infusion and I would need it at least once a month...but if it helps both diseases, that would be a good thing right?  The good news is my CK came in at 124 this month which is fantastic (been around 135 the last few months).  It is a mystery why I am so weak still but clearly I need to dedicate to the gym.  I just can't find the energy to do it yet.  I suspect the lack of energy might be related to the cancer.  I'm not usually a slug like this.  She will coordinate my medications with Dr. L when the time comes.  Otherwise, I see her in 3 months.

As I mentioned, Nola came into town.  She got in late Friday.  We jumped in the car very early Saturday and headed to Southern Utah to see the family.  Marsha and Shirley were in town.  We all wanted to spend some time with Grandma.  Grandma is doing okay for 96 and seemed very happy to see everyone.  She tends to want to stick with her routine and likes to stay in the center which was fine.  On top of the visiting, there were hikes, picnics, dinner parties, lunch outings, and lots of chatting and laughing.  It was beautiful weather which was very welcome.  I snuck in a lovely nap while the group hiked. 

John, Nola, Marsha, Mom, Grandma, Me, Shirley  (Philip is the photographer)

 

In addition to visiting Grandma and the family, during the week, we visited with Dad, Cindy, DeOna and Randy.  I'm not going to tell our secrets but there was gambling, paper choosing, pampering, and shopping involved.  We also explored eating pleasures from the 1990s (Nola's reference, not mine...but I like it).  Do you realize Training Table is still in business and hasn't changed one inch of their décor since 1990?  They sure do have great cheese fries though.  Our huge claim to fame for the week...maybe the year....is that while we were at the spa, we ran into Ann Romney!!  She was sort of naked in a bathrobe.  Nola says we were probably changing clothes at the same time but I admit I have great spa dressing room etiquette and would never look at another woman in the process of changing clothes.  My eyes are straight ahead and stare at the lockers.  Nola on the other hand, was already relaxing in the waiting area and clearly was more alert than me.  She is the one that spotted her.  Great sharp eyes Nola!  At least we know our spa is Presidential candidate spouse approved!!

 

Now everyone has gone home, Philip is at his Dads, and my house is empty.  I have to admit I've been trying to catch up on my sleep.  I did go do more meal prep at Dream Dinners today.  I'm meeting friends from high school for lunch.  Then I am relaxing.  Maybe some yard work?  But it is raining....so probably a nap and Bottles of Hope.  I have those 24 bottles to finish.  I want to take them with me to my next appointment.

 

All is good with me.  I hope things are good with you too.

Spring break....oh what a nice break

I thought I would shift gears and share our Spring Break with you.  We planned our cruise in January long before I knew cancer would be re-entering my life so soon.  I was so happy when I learned I could still go.  We were thrilled to find a cruise that covered 3 islands we have not been too before which is a tough thing to find these days.  Plus we really needed the break.

We left on Friday after school.  We didn’t feel comfortable with Philip missing school so our flight left at 5:00 pm.  It went without a hitch and we spent the night at our favorite Westin in Atlanta.  We only had a few hours there but wanted to be able to sleep in a bed.  We were upgraded to a beautiful suite.  It was too bad we weren’t there longer to enjoy the room.  We got up bright and early (okay not so brightly) and headed to the airport to Puerto Rico.  Our flight was uneventful and we arrived in Puerto Rico without any problems.  We waiting in a super long line for a taxi (about 45 minutes in line) and got to the cruise ship without problem.

 

Our Westin suite 

 

Florida coast from the air.  We aren't in Kansas anymore.

Mom and Chuck went with us and actually saw our plane fly in from the ship and saw us boarding the ship.  By the time we got there, our cabin was ready.  We kicked off our tennis shoes, threw on flip flops and went to explore the boat.  We cruised on Royal Caribbean’s Brilliance of the Sea.  We have not been on their Radiance class ships before.  This class of ships are smaller (if you consider over 3,000 passengers small) and are designed with more luxurious finishes.  We had a balcony cabin on the port side (our favorite) but we opted for a smaller balcony and saved some $$.   It really didn’t matter much as long as I can see outside.  It is a bonus if I can go outside and sit on a chair.

 

Our ship from the air.  We are the front one.

 

We cruised out Saturday night and landed in St. Thomas on Easter Sunday morning.  We had reserved a shore excursion to rent a jeep and explore the island.  It was raining cats and dogs but rain in the tropics is significantly different than in Utah.  Luckily our jeep had a bikini top on it and we took off.  We went up the steep roads and around the mountains until we arrived at “Mountain Top” which is known for their views of the other islands AND Banana Daiquiris.  I did not get rum in my Daiquiri but Mom did.  I watched them free poor the rum.  They were extremely generous.  Poor Mom!  After that, we drove to a beach.  By then it had stopped raining.  We rented some lounge chairs and enjoyed the ocean and waves.  It was absolutely perfect.  I’ve been to St. Thomas many times and I have to say, short of shopping (which the island is known for), this is now one of my favorite things to do on the island.  As soon as we loaded back in our jeeps to head back to the ship, the rain came back.  It was like it stopped just for us.  We got back to the ship just fine and agreed that was a great start to the week.  That night, we went to “Chops Grille” which is the fancy steak house on the ship you have to pay to visit.  The food was divine and we completely stuffed ourselves.

Philip is double dipping...just kidding...he is holding mine.

Our jeep for the morning.

The beach on Easter Morning

On Monday, we were at sea.  I took my Methotrexate injection Sunday night (thus why no rum that day…bummer) so I spent most the day laying in bed and resting.  I really underestimated the impact of the motion on the sea with a queasy Metho tummy.  I did much better being lying down.  It is frustrating to lie down all day when you want to be running around and having fun.  Plus most the TV stations on the ship were Spanish or French.  I was able to get up and go to dinner.

I might as well share that we started a nighttime event of playing cards.  Mom and Chuck got us hooked on “Hand and Foot” so we played that every night.  By the middle of the cruise, we had found the card room on the boat which was wonderful because we could hear the music and entertainment in the showroom off to the side but we often had the card room to ourselves and we had more room for our game.  Let’s just say that this group is ruthless and there is no holds barred.  But we all faired well through the cruise and each won and lost overall.

Our nightly game of "Hand and Foot"

 

Tuesday we landed in St. Lucia which was a new island for us.  I had heard lots about St. Lucia and the resorts there.  I expected it to be a luxury island but was surprised to see how “impoverish” it was.  There was lots of trash by the road.  We had reserved another shore excursion to take an Arial Tram through the Rainforest.  We had done the same thing in Dominica 2 years ago and really enjoyed it.  We were not disappointed.  As we went up, we were in the under canopy.  Coming down, not only did we have a beautiful view of the ocean, we were in the upper canopy so you see such different things. 

One really funny thing on the tram …. There were 8 people and a guide in the tram.  We were in the back.  Philip brought some biscuits from the ship in case he got hungry.  Well he did as we were coming down on the tram.  The bad news is the biscuits were really crumbly so crumbs were all over and falling out of the cart.  He started laughing, then I started laughing.  He had dry crumbs blowing out of his mouth as he was laughing and our laughing bounced the entire cart.  We couldn’t stop laughing.  The more we tried, the worse it was.  Here we are in this incredibly peaceful environment that was supposed to be relaxing and quiet and we are snickering and blowing crumbs all over the forest floor.   I sure hope the crumbs didn’t disrupt the ecological balance of the forest!  Also funny was our tour guide spoke good English but it was clear she was used to speaking Creole.  She spoke ending each sentence with a question inflection and then would say “yes?”  I decided when I need Philip to do something, I will do the same.  “Philip, please do your homework now?  Yes?”  Sounds so much better.

 

Self photo on the tram

The view from the upper canopy...no crumbs shown

 

Wednesday was Guadeloupe.  Another island we hadn’t seen before.  This island was completely French and part of the French Virgin Islands.  They have not really had much tourism so we were warned to be prepared, book a shore excursion so you can be sure you have a guide that speaks at least some English, and get Euro because they don’t take US dollars.  We got roughly $20 of US dollars in Euro which was 15 Euros.  We decided to tour a Botanical Garden and Beach Break.  Isabella was our tour guide.  She did not speak much English so she was difficult to understand and appeared very “French” to me.  We took a bus to a beautiful Botanical Garden.  Because I can’t walk much, Philip and I made a small loop and went to the restaurant there.  They had a gorgeous deck that looked over the waterfalls and the ocean in the distance.  We took a seat and asked the waitress (in our dumb American hand signals since I’ve not had French lessons since High School) to see if they took a Visa credit card.  The waitress said "oui".  So we each ordered a soda and an ice cream.  She promptly brought the bill for 19 Euros.  For some reason, my Visa would not run.  I tried another Visa.  The waitress was getting really mad.  I offered to give back my soda since I hadn’t opened the can.  She refused and motioned for me to go to the hostess.  Luckily the hostess spoke just a bit of English.  We finally agreed I would give her all my 15 Euro and $7 US.  Philip was pretty embarrassed but I didn’t feel bad since I had asked before ordering.  It’s not my fault if their machine wouldn’t run.  We did enjoy our ice cream with reckless abandon.  We had Lichee and Passion Fruit ice cream. Unfortunately, we were so traumatized, we didn’t get photos of our treat and weirdo French drinks.  After the botanical garden, we went to a really nice beach.  We found a spot in the shade and enjoyed the scenery for about an hour.  It was HOT…we were sweaty and the air conditioning on the bus was less than desirable.  We made our way for the 45 minute drive weaving through the roads back to the ship.  We made it safe but honestly, we were all over heated, car sick and beat.  Philip and I did stop at a little market by the ship to get some spices.  We got a great deal and luckily, they took our US $.  If I had to get back on board to exchange $$, I’m not sure I would have made it back out.  We bought from a very cute Creole lady that barely spoke English.  We got 3 big packages of spices, a bundle of fresh vanilla beans, and she gave us a nutmeg nut.  All this for $20!!  I asked if we could take her photo.  She didn’t understand so again, hand signals came in handy.  She was a sweet woman. I would have loved to hear her stories.  We came back on ship and took showers and refreshed ourselves in the air conditioning in our cabin.

On deck at the French restaurant

The view from the restaurant

Our cute "spice woman".  Isn't she so fabulous?

The next day, Thursday, was Antigua.  Those that know us know we’ve been there 2 years ago and HATED it.  Everything was so crowded.  Philip and I decided we didn’t need to go aboard again so we took a self inflicted “sea day”.  We love days in port because the ship gets quieter.  We slept in and just lounged around most the day.  It was a very stormy day so it was a good day to stay inside.  Philip brought along his book he had to read for Biology so we dove into it together.  I thought it would be easier to get started if we read it together so we took turns reading out loud.  It is called “Stiff”.  It is about cadavers.  What a funny topic to read while on vacation!  We actually found it fascinating.  I never knew I was curious about what happens when we die but the writer is interesting.  By the time we were flying home, we were fighting over who got to read it.  Being a good Mom, I gave in since Philip had to finish before we got home.

Our view of Antigua from the ship

The port helpers that untie the ship.  I love the Caribbean people.

Friday was our last port, St. Croix.  Again an island I hadn’t been too.  We decided to do a sugar plantation tour, botanical garden and Cruzan Rum tour.  Really we don’t love botanical gardens but Mom and Chuck do and we don’t hate it.  We mainly went to tour the rum factory.  The sugar plantation was very cool.  It is really sad to think about how so many slaves were used on the islands and how brutal the plantation owners were.  I hate the thought of that.  Many of the people left on the island had ancestors that were slaves.  At the botanical garden, it was a long walk and hot as hell so Philip and I found a shady spot with chairs and caught up on our social media with a Coke since we were finally in a USVI and got free phone service.  We watched the lizards running around and the flowers blowing in the breeze.  We absolutely love our “Botanical Garden” program we’ve developed - shade and a soda.   After that, we went to the Cruzan Rum factory.  It had huge steps to get in so I found another shady spot but everyone else went.  I met up with them at the tasting table and store.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get any tickets for free rum punch since they wouldn’t give tickets to Philip because he is underage.  But we did go overboard with our purchases and left with a liquor box packed to go with 4 large bottles of rum.  Who could miss $6 bottles of rum?????  Our tour guide on this tour was Thomas and he spoke Creole….not great English.  We couldn’t understand a thing he said but we had fun anyway.  St. Croix was a wonderful island that I would love to have a second home on.  I could absolutely see myself go back for a ground vacation.  It is officially one of my favorite islands now.

Cruzan Rum Factory

Tasting bar

 

The beach

The sugar plantation

Lordy it is hot

We are proud of our purchase.

 

That night, we had to pack up our room and put our bags out for the porter to get off the ship in the morning.  That is one of my least favorite parts of the trip.  Luckily Mom came to help us and we were done in no time.  Our bags were pretty full when we came but even tighter when we left….especially with the rum.  I couldn't believe it all fit.  Getting off the ship went pretty smoothly however the airport was so disorganized.  It took us over an hour to go through USDA to have our bags inspected, check in, and go through security.  Unfortunately, when we got through security, we realized Philip’s wallet had been pick pocketed.  He only had $7 dollars in there but had an Am Ex card and his learners permit.  We got to our gate and called to cancel his credit card.  I’m mostly sad that he lost his NC State wallet.

We got home late Saturday night.  Those flights just seemed so so long.  By the time we got home, we were exhausted.  We had a great time though and already think we should plan out next cruise.  Philip and I got along great and had a great time.  It was so fun to leave behind our worries and stresses and escape life for a week.  We vow to do that every year because it is just that fun.

So we are back to the grind and trying to not let the memories of the experience and Caribbean breezes leave our minds too fast.  Sadly, they are slipping quickly.